Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
