Well douche your snatch and let's go!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
