dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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