We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
