yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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