this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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