Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
