i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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