do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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