so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
