Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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