is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
