No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
