Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
