Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
