I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
