This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
