Life is so much better after having sex.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
