remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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