just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
