I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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