You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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