I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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