just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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