dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the day after is always just damage control
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
