I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize