You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
