He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize