My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
