She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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