i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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