It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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