Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
