I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
