i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
