god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
