i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
