I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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