Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
