you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
