remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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