So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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