Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
