I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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