So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
