Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize