Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
