Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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