After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
