I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize