hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
