thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
