i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
NoShamevember. You game?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Two words: blizzard sex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
