Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
