if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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