Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
