Your tits are I can't wait for
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
