Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
