your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
there is glitter all over my balls
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