There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize