I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
