THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
