i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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