Kiss
Puke
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
