Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
