she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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