Dual....:-)
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
