This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
