if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
