In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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