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• (614): View more from Ohio

  She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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• (727): View more from Florida

  if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Lol welcome to greek life

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze

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• (510): View more from California

  well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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• (707): View more from California

  Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis

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• (512): View more from Texas

  He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.

  (713): View more from Texas

  Yeah you should have just let that thought go.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.

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