Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we have pet lesbian snakes
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
