i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
