So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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