At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
