Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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