the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
