rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
