Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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