He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
two words...techno handjob
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
