If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize