dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
