Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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