the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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