I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
