since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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