dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
