she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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