you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize