Only a mothe r could love this liver
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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