dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
