I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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