I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Farmville is her only friend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
