I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
