were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
