WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
