Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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