If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
