I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize