Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
